Packers v. 49ers and Joe Bucks New Love.

Incase you didn’t watch the Packers v. 49ers game tonight on FOX you missed something rather disturbing. Joe Buck went all Brent Musberger over Colin Kapernick and was all but begging for Kapernick to shove his dick in his mouth. Yes it is disturbing and I’m sorry to report it. At one point he yelled Kapernick’s name like something amazing was happening to him. Troy Aikman decided to keep it in his pants for next week just to make sure the kid is the real deal.

In terms of the game the 49ers beat the Packers. Harbaugh still looks and acts like a cock. Kapernick is a douche. The Packers have no defense. Dom Capers went ostrich and shoved his head in the sand. End of the day the two teams hate each other. But a new love was found, Joe Buck will be stalking Kapernick for years.

No Ties In The Playoffs?!

The Baltimore Ravens and the Denver Broncos went into overtime followed by a double overtime, which is confusing since the NFL only plays one overtime. Apparently you can’t tie in the playoffs, who knew? I just figured New England would have to play both teams next sunday, I guess Houston could win tomorrow but lets be honest that game is going to be 49-7 Patriots by halftime.

Anyways this game should never have gone to overtime. First John Fox thinks it’s a good idea with a minute thirty left to run the ball all three downs then punt away to Baltimore. You have PEYTON MANNING throw the damn ball! Then your defense plays zone, 10 yards off any receiver allowing Joe Flacco to launch his way into overtime.

Then for fifteen minutes both teams looked like monkeys trying to fuck the ball leading to the end of overtime and hopefully a three team game next sunday. But nooooo apparently the NFL can make shit up on the fly and added a second OT in which the Ravens kicked their way to the AFC championship game.

Looks like the Ravens and Patriots will be playing next weekend, sorry Houston you’re frauds.

Who The Hell Did The Browns Hire?

The Browns have hired Rob Chudzinski to be the next head coach of the Cleveland Browns. Yeah I’m as lost as you, who the fuck is this guy? Oh he was the offensive coordinator for the Carolina Panthers. Makes sense, hire a guy who is coming off a losing season, sure their defense sucks but the offense wasn’t exactly setting shit on fire.

He is an Ohio guy and a lifelong Browns fan so hopefully it works out from them. Hell Cleveland needs something to cheer for and maybe an Ohio guy will excite the fan base. Hopefully the dawg pound can figure out the correct pronunciation for this guy. Good luck Cleveland, like always you’re going to need it.

According to sources Brian Kelly has interviewed for the Philadelphia Eagles Head Coaching job. Kelly said earlier in the week that leaving Notre Dame was “not an option I don’t even think about it.” Apparently it is an option, Kelly and Eagles officials will meet again after Kelly returns from vacation.

Brian Kelly has won at every stop on his coaching journey, along the way every job has been his “Dream Job”. Grand Valley State, Central Michigan, Cincinnati, Notre Dame, all have been his so called “Dream Job”. Brian Kelly is never happy being in one place to long, always looking for a bigger job to fill his ego. Kelly is 81-33 as a D1 head coach, nothing to be ashamed of, he has also taken his three teams to eight bowl games although he only coached in six of them.

The NFL is a completely different animal compared to college football. For starters the way you treat players is completely different than college football. Kelly is a hot head, the fact his face turns pink then red then purple is evidence of that, the man is a gobstopper during games. NFL players won’t respect actions like that. Another thing Kelly likes to do is get in the face of his quarterbacks and swear at them, just ask Tony Pike from Cincinnati. No NFL quarterback will tolerate that, remember Tom Brady and Bill O’Brien going at it? O’Brien was ridiculed in the media the week after. Kelly will have to turn it down.

The fact he is interviewing for the Philadelphia job is amazing. That team can not win or let alone play as a team, not you want to implement a head coach who can’t win the big game. (0-3 BCS Games) Isn’t that what you fired Andy Reid for?

Brian Kelly will likely take the Eagles job, Notre Dame will be left scrambling.

RGIII, Welcome To Life As Michael Vick

 

Robert Griffin III has potentially torn his ACL and LCL according to Washington Redskin sources. During the fourth quarter of yesterdays wildcard game agains the Seattle Seahawks RGIII had his right knee give out on a botched snap. Griffin immediately fell to the turf and needed to be helped off the field turning over control of the Redskins offense to Kirk Cousins.

Redskins head coach Mike Shanahan made the controversial decision to leave RGIII in the game after clearly being banged up late in the second quarter then again in the third until finally collapsing in the fourth. A decision that is bound to haunt Shanahan for the weeks and months to come, especially with the possibility of his star quarterback facing 14-18 months out of football.

After RGIII’s first injury earlier in the season which resulted in a hyperextended knee he may have come back too soon from that but the kid is a warrior and wanted to be there for his team. This time though both he and the team should have been smarter. Scrambling quarterbacks always face some sort of injury, just ask Michael Vick who hasn’t played a full season in years.

RGIII has torn his ACL in 2009 while attending Baylor. The only good thing is he has gone through this before. Hopefully we see him back by the end of next season.

Houston Doesn’t Have a Problem

The Houston Texans may not be the group of frauds the media has made them out to be. The Texans defeated the Cincinnati Bengals 19-13 this afternoon in a rambunctious Reliant Stadium ending their dismal end to the season and reasserting themselves as a valid AFC hopeful. The Bengals continued their playoff losing record now at 0-4 since their last playoff win.

The Texans led by Matt Schuab could only garner 3 field goals in the first half of the game, allowing the Bengals to stay in the game thanks to a pick six from Leon Hall mid way through the second quarter. Houston’s defense held Bengals QB Andy Dalton to 3 yards passing in the first half.

The second half the Texans offense came alive resulting in an Arian Foster TD and another Field Goal leading them to a six point victory over a team most people thought would finally get their long awaited playoff victory.

Cincinnati is sent home wondering what they have to do to finally get a victory, showing up in a big game should be the start for them. Andy Dalton threw for 127 yards, BenJarvus Green Ellis rushed for 63 yards, they can not expect to win a playoff game with this kind of record. Marvin Lewis continues to make terrible play calls, yet will likely be give a contract extension.

The Texans move on to face the New England Patriots next weekend in a rematch of their early December meeting in which the Patriots embarrassed the Texans 42-14. For the Texans sake hopefully it isn’t a bloodbath again.

Andy Reid the new Head Chief

Andy Reid has officially become the next head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs.

Rumors had him tied to Arizona and Kansas City. Arizona seemingly is more appealing. What appears to of happened is the amount of power Reid wanted from the team. Arizona wasn’t going to give him the power he wanted and Kansas City would. Plus Kansas City is home to some great BBQ and looking at Andy Reid he hasn’t missed a meal in awhile, since the Packer years.

Reid inherits a shit team. Sorry there is no better way to say it, that might be the nicest way as well. He has no quarterbacks. He has Brady Quinn and Matt Cassel, a Notre Dame washout and a USC back up who never started in college. A defense that led the team to 14 losses and an offense that secured 2 wins. A franchise that hasn’t been relevant in a decade and a stadium that is older than anyone on the team.

Good luck Andy, Godspeed.

Philly to KC

Andy Reid served as The Philadelphia Eagles head coach for 14 years. The last three have been lack lusted to say the least which resulted in his firing. So where do you go after you get fired? Fucking Kansas City!

Why on gods green earth would you take the KC job over the Arizona job. Lets compare the two.

Kansas: Snow, below freezing, old stadium, 2-14 team, nameless roster. There is a nice casino there so that may be a plus, take your mind off of living in Kansas City.

Arizona: Warm weather, state of the art stadium, team 4 years removed from a Super Bowl, Larry Fitzgerald. Not to mention Scottsdale!

Andy Reid taking the Chiefs job makes no sense! You think you can turn Brady Quinn into a winning QB? Not a chance in hell. The future of the Chiefs is so bleak the most eternal optimist would have doom and gloom thoughts. Go to Arizona Andy, it’s so much nicer.

Enough Already!

I have had enough of Tim Fucking Tebow. This entire week all ESPN has talked about is Tebow’s strained relationship with Rex Ryan like anyone actually cared. A back up player in the NFL should receive about as much attention as my girlfriend when she says she’s fat. Shut up already!

Aw he doesn’t want to run the wildcat. Uh last time I checked you play for the team they ask you to play you do it. Oh did I mention you’re a back up! Be happy you’re getting playing time.

By the way it has already been determined Timmy is playing for Jacksonville next year via ESPN “sources”. Meaning he’ll probably end up in Oakland. All any self respecting football fan cares about is not hearing about a middle linebacker than thinks he is a quarterback.

Megatron Puts Up Mega Number

Calvin Johnson aka “Megatron” set the NFL Single Season Receiving record Saturday night against the Atlanta Falcons. Johnson passed Jerry Rice who held the record since 1995 with 1,848 yards. Johnson currently has 1,892 yards with one game to play.

Johnson has been the line bright spot for the Lions this season. After a playoff run last season the Lions are a dismal 4-11 with one game left. The only upside to this season has been Johnson who is looking to get to 2k yards.

Detroit back to being perennial loser, dig out those brown bags. Fire Schwartz and 2013 will be that much better.